How to be your husband's girlfriend.

Unpacking what shouldn't be a controversial topic but probably is. But take it from me, this is one of the most fun and beneficial things you can do for your marriage, and for yourself.

Let me start this piece by reminding you that Alex and I were married before - 34 years combined, to be exact. And let me remind you that we come from a place of having lived our first vows from beginning to end, through some of the most difficult of circumstances life could bring, for better or worse, richer or poorer, sick or well. And then at death did we part.

Then we found each other. And we weren’t just newlyweds - we were newlyweds with SEVEN kids. Teenagers. Moving. Grief. Combining lives. Rebuilding a business. Homeschooling. Dealing with my diagnosis. Dealing with a sick child. Dealing with the gift and yet obstacle of having been married before.

Before we got married and when we first were married we committed to having, being and doing all the things we wanted in a marriage: mutual affection, time together, intimacy, charity, forgiveness, playfulness, attraction, support, friendship, and more. We knew how easily marriages can slip into “roommate zone” or “ships passing in the night zone,” and we didn’t want either.

Despite some very difficult trials and challenges throughout these past two plus years, we’ve arrived at a place of intimacy and security in just about all those areas we wanted. Not always easily or beautifully, we worked our tails off in trial and error to find the sweet spot of Ephesians 5:21-32 - where St. Paul speaks of the mutual love born of Christ an His Church and yet mirrored in the daily living of our vows.

And I tell you all of this because when I talk about marriage, I believe I have earned the right to do so. I want to think I know what I’m talking about. I have not faced certain things, like kids leaving for college and marriage in the golden years, so I won’t claim to know much about those stages, but all the other ones I have a pretty good idea about. And I want to pass along anything that may be helpful to strengthen marriages out there. Because then we’ll all be a bit happier and closer to who we were created to be in our vocations and state in life.

A topic I want to talk to you about today is how to be your husband’s girlfriend. Because when you are, some really cool things happen in your marriage, in YOURSELF, as a result.

Caption: Flirting and embarrassing our girls outside of Starbucks…but they secretly love it lol

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First of all, what does this phrase evoke in you?

Once you heard that phrase,” how to be your husband’s girlfriend” you either 1) got excited or 2) took offence.

Sure, much has been ingrained into women that would evoke the second response. And if you’re in that camp, I want you to jump over to the other side, at least just for this letter. I want you to get excited about the power you have to transform the way you see yourself as a wife, and as a woman, and I want you to get excited about what this transformation means for your husband, too. For all too often we’ve been trained by society that, as women, we should not really do much for our husbands or care much about how what we do affects them.

And if you can’t do that, put yourself in my shoes 5 years ago. I was on the cusp of losing my husband. During those days and the ones that followed his passing, I would give my right arm to be his girlfriend, to sacrifice again and do what I needed to do on my end. So don’t wait until it’s too late…