The view from 43.

Every birthday I gather a few things I've learned - truths I hope to remember, wisdom I'm growing into, and glimpses of God's grace. Here are 43 lessons I'm carrying into my 43rd year.

Jul 23, 2026

I’m a summer girl, through and through. Give me ALL THE SUN, the slower days, and the lingering sensations of the gift of the here and now,

Summer used to be my favorite season. And then, over the years, all the hard things started to happen over the summer - like moving and transitions and diagnoses and Mike dying. And then summer became something I braced against. I would hyperventilate driving down the road, I would cry on the back patio, I would do something I never do: wish for the rain.

Because my heart and soul felt like rain. Drowning, debilitating rain.

And then all of a sudden God gave me summer back.

He gave me joy as I watch my kids swim, laughter as we play late night games (I suggest the game “My family is weird”), sweetness as we down cartons of ice cream (and chocolate macadamia nuts), and happiness woven through all the memories that summer now contains.

Memories that do not replace the grief but rather soften it. Memories that have become the foundation of this “new” family we’ve built. Memories built in summer: a season we all love, welcome, embrace, and try to bring into the rest of the year.

I’m also a birthday girl through and through. I love making my kids’ birthdays special. I love celebrating my people with decorations, good food, good family time, good cake, and core memories to tuck into the memory bank.

It just so happens that my own birthday is in the summer. (I think God knew I needed my day on a day of perpetual sun.) And, just like summer, I used to love my birthday. And then my birthday fell during those sad summers and then it became something I braced against. I would get anxious as it approached, I would cry in my bed, I would wish for the day to be over.

Because grief doesn’t know what day it is. It strikes when and how it wants to.

And then all of a sudden, God gave me my birthday back.

He gave me a showering of graces, new fun memories, a lot of people to spoil me, and He reminded me that happiness again is OK, too. That celebrations can continue after death.

That life is especially worth celebrating after death.

In honor of my day today (the kids are calling 43 a “transition year”) I want to share a little something with you: 43 bits of wisdom, things I tell myself, advice, and random thoughts to celebrate my 43rd birthday.

Hopefully none of them overlap from lists of past years but if they do then I’m sure they’re good bites to hold on to!

1)The sun is God’s greatest creation of the natural world He gave to you and I.

2)When you realize God made your child different than you it makes parenting a million times easier.

3)A calm nervous system is the key to maintaining any good relationship.

4)Catholic, married intimacy (within the bounds of chastity as outlined by the church) can become a spiritual experience touching heaven.

5)It IS possible to live with contentment in the here and now while also hoping for big dreams for the future.

6)Walking is an underrated secret for fat loss, reducing anxiety, talking with people (spouse, friends) and getting sun…all at the same time.

7)Praying for detachment is necessary but also watch out because God answers it in ways that are ultimately good but we’re never going to like.

8)Mental prayer (aka sitting with, talking to, and listening to God) is the literal definition of “Come to me…and I will give you rest.” If you don’t do mental prayer (for at least 25 min/day) you are denying yourself rest, peace, nervous system regulation, graces throughout the day, answered prayers, advancement in holiness, prophetic wisdom for your marriage and family, and more.

9)Dear husbands: women need a lot of attention, doting on, adoration (not the kind we give to God), and affection. It will serve you well to give these generously.

10)Dear wives: men need peace, softness, respect, admiration, and intimacy. It will serve you well to give these generously.

11)The family dinner table is the number one way a family bonds on a day-to-day basis. It should be protected at all costs.

12)Sunday brunch after Mass with your husband and kids talking Catechism and allthingsGod/Church/life just may become the highlight of your week.

13)Teenage girls want to know how to eat well, workout, look good, and take care of themselves. Us mamas should know how to do this for ourselves so we can be the ones teaching them - not YouTube.

14)I love shoes but hate wearing them.

15)I really want to have another baby…even at 43.

16)I need to get bees.

17)Tapping into and experiencing the feminine playfulness, sweetness, and sensuality that God gave women is so indescribably awesome.

18)The most incredible book I’ve ever read is “Island of the World” by Michael O’Brien.

19)My late husband, Michael, has been answering (or asking God to answer) every single prayer we give him (after a dream about him I had last October) and Alex thinks we should contact the Vatican…

20)Fasting from food during Lent (or other days of fasting/penance) is way more powerful than giving anything else up and you can’t convince me otherwise.

21)Sunscreen, social media, seed oils, and smut TV are all toxic and should be avoided (still figuring out the social media part…)

22)Dear husbands: a woman’s intuition will blow your mind. You would do well to listen to it.

23)Dear wives: a man’s ability to lead and get things done will blow your mind. You would do well to step out of the way.

24)My (step)daughter asked me if I would ever do Botox and I said no and she said, “good.”

25)Did you know you can pray a decade of the Rosary while you’re pumping gas?

26)Did you know that praying a daily rosary for your husband will change him more in a few months than years of nagging?

27)The things for which we curse at God now will be the very same things we bless and thank Him for later.

28)I often meditate on how I will die. It’s not as scary as you think.

29)My favorite cocktails in no particular order: spicy mezcal margarita, dry martini (OK sometimes dirty), Nordes gin and tonic, Sunday morning after Mass mimosas, French 75, Shibui 10 year white oak Japanese Whiskey.

30)I have a deal with myself: I will never stop getting better.

31)It’s important to have traditions or things exclusive to your family. It will form bonds and strengthen the family unit…not to mention make kids feel like their family is special.

32)Find ways to do everyday tasks while including your kids. I fold laundry with my youngest daughter, cook dinner with my teenagers, walk the dogs with one of the kids, take a few to Costco…next thing you know not only are you spending time together but they’ve learned to do various tasks on their own (like teenage girl Costco runs).

33)Teach your kids to tip well.

34)I really want the ability to communicate with animals.

35)It’s a beautiful thing to have a signature perfume scent and signature lip color.

36)Mass attire should be different from anything else we wear during the week. Not fancy, just set apart.

37)Dancing and making out with your husband in the kitchen, with your wedding song playing, dinner bubbling on the stove, and all the kids around doing random things is heaven on earth.

38)Life this side of eternity is perpetual loss and change. That doesn’t mean it’s always bad it just means you and I will never “arrive.”

39)Attending the Sacrament of Confession once a week is life changing.

40)When I grow up I want to be a painter, an author, a Broadway star (preferably Roxie in Chicago), I want to have a Hawaiian farm or a winery in the French countryside.

41)If you are not madly in love with God (even on the days you really don’t like Him) then you actually don’t know Him yet. Keep persevering in mental prayer until He captures your heart.

42)I have a lot of guilt, regrets, remorse, and weight I carry. Thorn in the side sort of stuff. But I offer it as penance for my sins and ask God to redeem it all.

43)I know there is more suffering in my future. I know there are many unknowns. I know that the twists and turns can be exciting. I know that God will reward everything if I remain perseverant. I know that what eye has not seen will make all the beauty and sadness of this life pale in comparison.