You’d never guess what it is…

The number one thing I had to heal in myself to be a good wife and mom.

I always catch myself off guard when I think of my roles as a wife and mother.

I lived my first vows beginning to end. Definitely imperfectly and yet to the best of what I could do during those 14 years full of God’s provision and great challenges. And then I was a widow for 2 years. And now here I am, a wife once again, trying to live this state in life even better than before. Having been to the depths of myself inside and out, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically, every aspect of my being was tried and tested in the fire of love and life, no stone unturned in the quest to live out my vocation to the best of my ability.

I had four babies of my own and lost one in miscarriage. My ability to have children was then taken away and later we pursued adoption. Our placement fell through when Mike was diagnosed with brain cancer, but here I find myself with three more beautiful children after marrying Alex. (They all joke they’re adopted lol.)

What a life! And what places I have found myself!

Over these years I’ve dealt with A LOT. You can read about that here and here. While my faith has taken deeper root and been a great source of sustenance and strength, my body didn’t quite get the memo. The traumas took a toll, grief piled up and got stuck, my brain could logically know love but it could also logically know incredible loss and pain. And, depending on the day or the hour, I never knew which place I’d find myself in: normalcy and peace or utter despair and hopelessness.

Or worse, I’d feel like I was reliving all those things all over again.

As Christians we like to focus on the spiritual a lot. And that’s a good thing! God created us to know, love and serve Him here so we can be happy with Him in the next life. That’s it, that’s what it’s all about.

But life is also real and we are also real. We are real people with brains and bodies that are wired and knit together. Our physical beings are beyond comprehension and yet can be known. And this is one thing we tend to forget: the practical real life nitty gritty, the psychological and physical aspects of life are just as important as the spiritual ones.

Let me tell you why.