The most important thing
What to remember when life gets full or overwhelming.
I have so many started pieces and I can’t wait to finish them all!
One is about “Christ is King: a Christian’s response to the presidential election,” something I have been mulling over for a while, months and probably years even. It may come across as controversial however I hope it to be a point of meditation to ponder what’s happening under the surface of our current socio-political climate. It’s a bit different than what I usually write but also not different as what I often ponder is stuff underneath the surface.
Another letter is called “Dear Teenage Girl…” It’s a letter I’ve been writing to those beautiful young souls in those difficult young years. I have two teenage girls myself (another a “pre-teen”) along with FOUR teenage boys and I have witnessed my girls walk trial after trial, searching and looking for themselves in a world gone crazy. I can’t wait to share it.
And yet another is a personal response, more like challenge, to my wildly popular letter on “How to be your husband’s girlfriend.” I wanted to title it something like “What to do when you hate your husband…” but thought that to be too much lol. I guess the premise is this: OK, I’ll be my husband’s girlfriend, but what if I DON’T LIKE MY HUSBAND right now?? It is a real look into something we all go through in marriage, whether a stage or a season, and how I believe we, as wives, should respond during that time. I don’t write anything I haven’t been through myself so I have some good practical tips I think will be really edifying and helpful.
There are other letters in the works, and I’m praying about doing a book study here (for full subscribers) on a small book that has been my companion through these past 6 years: Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence. It’s a look into God’s Will, how we know what His will is, and how we should respond to it. If you’re interested, chime in below.
What I want to talk about today…
But today I’m not talking about politics or being a girlfriend or husbands or teenagers or book clubs.
Today I’m keeping it short and sweet (kind of) and reminding you (and me) what the most important thing to do TODAY and EVERYDAY is.
It is something that, when I first heard it, brought so much peace.
It is a truth I fall back on often, when my plate gets full and I’m at a loss of what TO DO list item to do next.
It is the path to holiness given by God, spoken of by the Saints, and backed up with practical means by the Church.
It will bring grace upon grace and will give you the means to knowing that you’re doing the right thing.
Drumroll please……
The most important thing you can do today is to fulfill your state in life to the best of your ability.
What does that mean?
It means that whatever state/place/stage/circumstance God has you in, in this moment/day/month/year, fulfilling the obligations/duties/responsibilities/tasks of that state in life is your number one mission, and by doing this it will be the means of grace to flow, holiness to grow, and peace to abound in your life and mine.
Let’s briefly unpack what that means
Often times a state in life and vocation can be used interchangeably but not always. Once our vocation is chosen and committed to, it can’t be altered (barring special circumstances). However, our state in life often ebbs and flows depending on what’s happening in that period.
(If you’re unfamiliar with the term, a vocation is your call from God as your path to holiness and means of serving Him in a particular way. A vocation would be one of the following: marriage, priesthood, consecrated life. Emily does a great job here explaining why singlehood is not a vocation and I encourage you to read it….)
That being said, using myself as an example, my vocation is marriage and my state in life is mom of 7, homemaker, occasional writer, and 41-year-old woman with breast cancer. There are a number of things I do that fall under those categories and while some of those duties are set, others change depending on the season.
Because our state in life contains the day-to-day circumstances in which God wants to make us holy, we must unpack what those duties are to make sure we’re not stepping outside of them too much. First off because we will impede this holiness God wishes to impart upon us, and also because doing more or less than what’s needed in this moment will bring extra stress, distraction, and anxiety. I once heard that God gives us all the grace we need for our state in life and once we pile stuff beyond it (or skimp out and become lazy) we miss out on the peace we could enjoy should we stay within its bounds.
So, to use myself as an example again, here are my current state in life roles.
As a wife, my duties are to love and support my husband with full charity and devotion. As a mom of 7, I am charged with their physical care, feeding, instruction (some in homeschooling and all in the Catholic faith), and mental/emotional support. As a homemaker I am responsible for the physical care of my home, cooking meals, and making our home a refuge for our family. As an occasional writer, my job is to take the inspirations I take from Our Lord and communicate them when I can. And as a 41-year-old woman with breast cancer, I have to do my treatments, take my pills, and stay healthy.
Now, writing that all out seems like a lot. And it is! I often feel like I’m drowning, even within the walls of what God is asking me to do in this season. I’ll share in a sec what I do when it feels too much.
But before that, the main point is this: Right now, today, I am becoming holy and happy when I do what I can, to the best of my ability, in any of those categories. When I fold laundry, I am becoming holy. When I cook a good meal, I am given peace. When I go to treatment, I am given grace. When I love my husband and kids despite exhaustion, I am given mercy. God’s will is not “out there.” It’s right in front of me. Today it’s in the coffee shop writing this letter. Yesterday it was making sandwiches for the kids for our road trip home. Tomorrow it will be in prepping for a birthday party and going to treatment. Tonight it will be in making dinner and loving my husband after his long day of work.
If you are a student, you will become holy by studying, doing assignments, and dealing with peers. If you’re a business owner, you become holy by dealing with deadlines ad clients. If you’re a parent, by tending to your children. And so on. If we embrace life as God’s will for us, if we can identify the things that get in the way and make some changes, then maybe we can go from overwhelm and being stuck to at peace and holier than before.
When it still seems like too much…
When I get overwhelmed with everything on my plate, I run through a few questions in my head to make sure I’m on track:
Is everything in right order and am I in a state of grace? Do I have God first in daily prayer and Sacraments often? Do I need to go to Confession to resolve unrepented sin? Am I putting my writing above my kids? Am I putting a clean kitchen above treatment and rest? If not, then sometimes ordering life properly brings peace.
Am I trying to do it all myself? Am I taking on things that my kids should be doing instead? Can I offload a lower duty to make room for the more important ones? Maybe in this season hiring help or relying on my spouse or other people more than usual will take the edge off.
Am I trying to do everything perfectly? Perhaps I need to learn humility and the fact that God will fill in the holes should I not get to everything.
Am I being lazy? Maybe I need to get off Instagram and instead use that 30 minutes for true rest or to start dinner earlier so I can have 30 extra minutes later with my husband.
Am I doing too much? Or doing things that shouldn’t be on my plate right now? Running through my day in my mind often reveals things added in that didn’t need to be there. Or maybe I need to make sacrifices so I can have less on my list in general.
Am I desiring things that should wait? I mean, I want a cow and a garden but right now I have to embrace this season first.
How is my nervous system doing? If I’m fried maybe I need a recharge and a slower pace in order to heal a bit more.
These questions help me to make sure I’m staying within the Will God has for me today. (And if you’re still confused about what His Will is, I’d love to unpack that more in a different letter sometime…).
When things change…
Once I was a single woman, then a wife, then a mother, then a caregiver and mother, then a widow and mother, then a wife again and mother to even more. (That’s a lot of mothering through lots of changes!) At one point I homeschooled 7 kids at another half were in school and I had two drivers. At one point I was married, then Mike died and I was not.
Things change.
And we must change with them.
Seasons change, life changes, and so does what’s required of us. When I was a widow, I was in a bubble with just me and my kids. I had no capacity for anything else. I honored that time and did what I needed to do.
In just a year I will be getting ready to send two kids off to college (I’m not crying, you’re crying). My load will change and I will discern what that means when it happens. Until then, I do what I need to do now.
It takes humility to embrace the now, and trust to leave the changes of the future to God. He will supply the grace for future moments, just as He does for today. He will redeem past failures, too. All the worry about everything does no good, for today is all we have.
And when we do today, within the bounds of our state in life, with kindness, charity, virtue, and hard work we will become holy and we will have peace.
OK, time to go get groceries.
As I look at the clock, I see my writing time is done for the day. And then my list says “get groceries and run to the dry cleaner.” Trust me, I’d rather write than push a grocery cart around lol. But if I avoid the next thing, I’ll miss out on the graces to come. I’ll miss out on the peace.
And graces and peace are the most valuable things we could possess.
So I’ll leave you here, whether this letter is finish ed or unfinished, and bid you to do the same. Go love your people, do your duties well (whether it includes joys or sufferings), and reap the rewards in this life but probably more in the one to come.
Love, Kristine.
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In Case You Missed It…
How to be your husband's girlfriend…Unpacking what shouldn't be a controversial topic but probably is. But take it from me, this is one of the most fun and beneficial things you can do for your marriage, and for yourself.
Singing in the valley of tears…How to keep moving forward when you can't go on.
Definitely interested in the book!!