Weekly Snapshot

Honoring the beauty (and difficulty) of summer, our summer routine with teens, why it's OK to be mad at God (sometimes), and why imperfect spouses are a good thing.

Yesterday we celebrated another Sweet 16! (And our third driver…) I have really enjoyed getting to build a relationship with this beautiful young woman, despite the big shoes I had to fill as her “mother figure” (inside joke), as her mom passed from breast cancer way too early in her life. But despite only knowing her for a handful of years, we’ve connected in some pretty cool ways. We have similar personalities, ways of looking at the world, similar faith, and I love our conversations about just about everything. Plus, my oldest daughter is only a year older than her and they’ve become best friends. (Plus, we share a similar love for Morgan Wallen which is why it was a slam dunk 16th birthday present to go see him soon..)

As we watch all the kids grow up (if you’re new here, we have 6 teenagers plus a soon to be 11-year-old), I’m definitely feeling the impending transitions. The years are flying by faster and faster and I am both loathing and excited for all the changes to come. We officially have two Seniors (and two graduating from 8th grade) and we have just a small bit of time this summer before we dive into colleges and post-graduation plans. Loss is just a part of life, even if that loss can be beautiful sometimes. I’m eager to see where our kids land, even if that means more letting go.

Honoring what the summer means for me…

I absolutely love the summertime. Not only do we have lots of birthdays, but it’s always my favorite season. (I say there are two seasons, summer and not summer.)

But summer is where all the big changes have happened in my life.

Moving (a few times), adopting a baby, Mike’s diagnosis, Mike’s death just a year later. Moving again, combining families and getting married. Our daughter sick and in the hospital for a month. Being diagnosed with breast cancer. All of these things happened between the months of June-September, with August bearing the brunt.

In fact, last year I peaced out from everything and everyone starting in August. I went silent on social media, with text messages, on Substack. It wasn’t planned, it just happened. My mind and my body needed to retreat into the stillness of grief relived. It needed to cocoon and be reborn, as it does every year. I seem to always enter summer one person and leave it another. One time I entered as a wife and left as a caregiver. Then I went from wife to widow. Then from widow to wife again. And from healthy to cancer. I don’t know what this summer holds. It’s not all bad, that’s not what I mean, but I do know that every summer, I am changed.

All my Lourdes water being put to good use…

So, I walk slowly into these favorite (and also probably not so favorite) months of mine, and I’ll let God do what He wills with this time. (I actually wrote a bit about all this this past week.) There will be memories made, changes that happen, and in all of it there will be that perpetual cross and resurrection that mirrors the life of Jesus. At least that’s what I hope.

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Our summer routine with 6 teenagers

Summer is indeed a great time to relax and unwind, especially after a busy school year. Our two teenage girls (who are homeschooled) have actually been done since the beginning of May and our others just finished up last week and this.

But summer is also an opportunity to make memories, make money, and explore sides of life that we don’t get to during school. To safeguard this time and make sure it doesn’t turn into sleeping all day, we’ve set up a general framework for our kids, which varies depending on age.

Sleep, but not all day: the kids have to be up at a reasonable time but the older teens are usually up before that for work or sports. Even on vacation we’re setting up this early rise time so we don’t waste the day when we could be doing other things.

Screen limits: No screens (video games/TV) until 4pm (unless I make an exception) and that’s after regular chores, prayers, working out/sports practice, getting outside, reading for at least an hour, and making money.

Have to make money: Speaking of money, our older kids have to work and the younger ones are encouraged to do extra (paid) chores outside/inside this summer. I have also challenged all of them to create and design a product or business, of which we will help them get off the ground if it’s a good idea. We’ll be exploring entrepreneurship this summer as I want our kids to have mindsight of build and create, not just consume, and we want them to have the skills they need to make life work no matter what happens.

That’s pretty much the gist. We’ll probably throw in some daily Mass here and there, but the older girls usually go once a week extra themselves (I love having drivers!). We also have a few trips planned, as we’re trying to squeeze out every last memory with all 9 of us under the same roof for one more year.

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It’s OK to (sometimes) be mad at God.

As most Christians do, I go through seasons of being absolutely in love with God and then being really angry with Him (When I say God, I mean the Father. I seem to have a different relationship with each person of the Trinity and maybe I can unpack what that means, sometime.)

Right now, I’m annoyed at Him. I’m mad at some of the things that have happened in my life, I’m not satisfied with waiting for the answer “why,” and I am failing to see how certain things can be good.

I remember once confessing this anger towards God and the priest said something powerful back to me (this same priest was my Spiritual Director in college). He said, “It’s OK to be mad at God sometimes. He’s a big guy; He can take it.”

Yes, he can take my pounding fists and angry tears. He can handle my rolling eyes and stubborn sentiments.

I guess the thing to remember, however, is that anger towards God doesn’t give me (us) license to do whatever I (we) want. If I choose to stop praying, if I retaliate against God by abandoning His commandments, stop going to Mass, or turn on Him altogether then I will be the one to pay the price. It’s like shooting myself in the foot to make God feel pain. If I stop choosing Him despite not liking Him, then my life will actually fall apart even more, for His grace is what sustains everything.

The evil one will attempt to convince me that this is some sort of unhealthy relationship: God allows bad things, I keep running back to Him. I’m the fool right? Well, not really. Deep down I know that what I believe about life, faith, Catholicism, God, the Saints, the Trinity, heaven and hell, and everything in between is true. As a result, that ember of hope remains burning and its subsequent flames consume the doubts and anger that try to take its place.

I encourage you to keep hope alive. Always. Know your faith, know God in prayer. Then you’ll be able to withstand the anger and the annoyance and return to hopeful expectation of promises fulfilled.

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Imperfect spouses are a GOOD thing.

I’ve been married to two perfectly imperfect men. Both with differing personalities and similar characteristics. I’ve had the chance to experience marriage in unique ways.

It’s normal to think that if our spouse were perfect (or close to it) there would be no problems. Wrong. It is actually our spouse’s imperfections that propel a marriage to heights it can’t achieve otherwise. Let me give you an example from this past week.

Imperfect and yet so adorable.

I was going through a really hard time and couldn’t explain to Alex what was up (I didn’t have the words for it yet). He was able to be supportive, kind, and helpful. He even bought me flowers. HOWEVER, he is human with his own stuff, too. He tries hard, but he gets annoyed super easily when I’m struggling. So, after a few days of me being down, he lost his cool. And then so did I.

I won’t get into the whole thing, but it basically went like this: I’m going through something really difficult, he’s there for me, then he snaps and gets annoyed because he thinks I should be over it by now, and then I’m shocked and hurt and snap back, and then we go around in circles because I’m really hurt and he’s annoyed.

And since we are two of the most stubborn people on this earth (with “triggers” more sensitive than most), we both dug our heels in. I totally thought I was 100% in the right and maybe in a perfect world with perfect love I would be. I mean, I was struggling. HOWEVER, one thing I have learned about love is this: the only person who can love us unconditionally despite and through all circumstances is Jesus. Only HE has that capacity. To expect our spouses to be able to do that is dangerous to a marriage.

And so in all my wisdom and years of being married, I dropped my guard. I looked at MYSELF and not at Alex. Maybe if the tables were turned, I’d get annoyed, too. Perhaps his stubbornness was an opportunity for me to practice forgiveness. Maybe I needed to learn how to pull out of things myself and not always rely on someone else to fix me. There were 5 other lessons, too.

But the biggest lesson is this: your spouse (and mine) will never love us exactly, perfectly how we want them to. We can never do that for them. And in these imperfections, we have the chance to grow in actual, REAL LOVE. Not fake feel-good love, I’m talking about deep, lasting charity.

When I looked at myself, despite my struggles, I saw that I could dig a little deeper and put myself aside for the sake of getting back to peace and happiness with Alex. I wanted that more than I wanted to be right and get my way.

Plus, here’s the point: I grew in love, too. If Alex loved me perfectly, I’d have no way to expand my capacity to love him back. This is why God gave us marriage: to grow in love and charity.

So let’s just put ourselves second and our spouse first, even if they don’t deserve it. Because we don’t deserve God’s love either. And love is what makes us grow, it is what propels us to holiness and happiness. Love is where we find out who we actually are and what we are capable of. Let that be enough.

Love alone brings a human being to full awareness of personal existence. For it is in love alone that man finds room enough to be what he is. ~Dietrich von Hildebrand

Love, Kristine

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In Case you Missed It…

Honoring August - the month where everything changed. After time away, cancer surprises, refinement, and just plain life, I walked into and out of this month (and the one after) a brand-new person. Here's what happened...

You’d never guess what it is…The number one thing I had to heal in myself to be a good wife and mom.

A journey I never knew I'd take…How walking my spouse to heaven then and now has unfolded to be the most beautiful journey of my life.